The List

Don’ts                                                Do’s

Weed                                                                Meditate

Coffee                                                               Exercise

Nails                                                                 Poker

                                                                         Study Poker

                                                                         Art 

                                                                         Learn instrument

                                                                         Tai-chi

                                                                         Read more

                                                                         Write    

                                                                          Learn chess

                                                                          Lumosity  
                                                                              
                                                                          Cooking /Baking



So, off the top of my head, this is the list. I'll add to it at a later stage if other ideas come to mind. I obviously wont be able to implement these all right from the beginning. I wish i could but some of the activities on the Do list will just have to be incorporated as i go along.

I think that the 3 points that will have the most profound effect on my situation are: Weed. Meditation. Exercise.


Marijuana and I go way back. We were introduced when I was in standard 8 and we've been best friends ever since. 15 years or so.
But that's not the truth of it. Marijuana is not really my friend. Quite the opposite.
Marijuana is different from the other "harder" drugs I've managed to quit. Its consequences are a lot less immediate.
You smoke some speed and you're probably going to have a great night. But 2 sleepless days and nights later, unable to chew, you feel evil and its easy to see the other side of the coin. So, with a certain degree of awareness, its possible to apply some effort and change the association in your mind where speed = pleasure to one where speed = pain. Weed is sneakier than this.
With weed, there's no real, immediate reason to stop doing it. So you just keep making the same choice to toke up, each time further entrenching the path in your mind from the question of whether to smoke to the decision to smoke. And before long you've been programmed. There's no decision to be made anymore, your mind learns to do this automatically because that's what it does best.
This self-reinforcing cycle develops a life of its own and to break it requires one to develop and strengthen an awareness and presence of mind. You need to find and maintain a space between the urge to carry out the compulsion and the decision to do so. That space is there, but by now it's almost imperceivable. You need to seek it out, nurture it and live in that space moment to moment.
So, a tough nut to crack, but when i do i believe it will be endlessly rewarding.


The practice of meditation is key if we are ever to free ourselves of the boundaries and conditioning of our minds. Its a path of Truth towards the goal of ultimate liberation that rewards us every step along the way.
I'll elaborate on this subject at a later stage, but for now all I want to say is that Ive struggled for years to find the discipline to make a daily habit of the practice and I'm hopeful that this blog will be the extra motivation I've needed.


Mind and Matter are inextricably linked. A healthy mind is impossible without a healthy body. Without exercise I start feeling very glum very quickly. Because of this I do work out, probably more than most people, but its all very random, whenever the mood strikes me. I aim to add more structure to my regime, more consistency. This way I'll maximise the benefits of exercise and quickly catapult myself to a higher level of feelin' gooood!.


I'll probably have to elaborate on a few other items on the list but I'm tired of typing and its probably better if i hold back so i have something to write about in later entries.


OK, so I'm still not entirely ready to step outside my comfort zone and commit myself to this process. Its a daunting endeavour that will require a discipline that as yet i have been unable to muster.
I will take the plunge though. I just need a moment to galvanise my resolve and mentally prepare myself so that I have the best chance of success...

The Basic Idea

The idea behind this blog is one of human potential. The focus being on one human in particular. Me.
This being the case, i feel it necessary that you know a few things about me first.

My name is Marc, and by generally accepted social standards, I'm someone who might be described as an underachiever. I hesitate to use the words "fuck up" because calling myself that just doesn't feel nice and cant be healthy for my self esteem :)

I'm an intelligent guy, or at least i think i used to be, its always something I've taken pride in: being clever. But for a clever guy I've done some seriously dumb things. Repeatedly. Its as though sometimes im incapable of making the choice that intelectually i know is right.

If you're close to me, you'll know that I'm an addict ( hate calling myself that because its role that i just don't wanna play anymore ) which basically means that i have a screw loose. we're all addicts to some degree, we all have the same loose screw, just some are looser than others and in others the screw has been replaced by a piece of string and some bubblegum.
 
Addiction is the result of the mind doing what it does best - forming habits. This ingenious innovation of streamlining neural pathways gives us the ability to learn, and to train ourselves to do anything we can imagine. But when we let our habits choose us instead of the other way around, a few bad ones are gonna get through. Bad habits (especially when they involve some kinda of mind/mood altering substance) have the tendency and potential to become serious compulsions that imprison there victim as surely as any cage.

Its been a long time since Ive used hard drugs but i cant seem to shake this daily weed habit, and the basic underlying compulsion to escape* is alive and as strong as ever. I quit weed every day. Until the next day when, as if under a spell, i will find myself behind the wheel of my car on the way to Fergy.

I feel like Ive been living the same struggle for so long now! Its maddening how i cant seem to just break free and stop doing what i don't want to do anymore and start doing what i do want to do. The more i think about it the more it freaks me out. Its like my will has been stamped out and something else is in control. Not only am i not living my best life, I'm hardly really alive at all. It terrifies me.

This fear of losing myself coupled with my great belief in the potential for human kind to grab hold of and harness our divinity is largely my motivation for writing this blog. It also fulfills the role of a journal, which is something I've wanted to do for the longest time, and will also be a great aid in tidying up my rubble strewn mind.

Basically this is gonna be a record of my successes and setbacks while attempting to do the things i want to be doing like meditating and getting my brain back in shape; and not doing the other things like smoking the herb, etc. It will also serve as a space where i can share my feelings and experiences along the way. Hopefully in the end it will be a chronicle of my journey from this barren place of scattered thoughts and constant anxiety to a brighter existence resonating with peace, where my spirit is free and my mind - clear and focused - is the tool and not the master.
Good luck me :)