The Basic Idea

The idea behind this blog is one of human potential. The focus being on one human in particular. Me.
This being the case, i feel it necessary that you know a few things about me first.

My name is Marc, and by generally accepted social standards, I'm someone who might be described as an underachiever. I hesitate to use the words "fuck up" because calling myself that just doesn't feel nice and cant be healthy for my self esteem :)

I'm an intelligent guy, or at least i think i used to be, its always something I've taken pride in: being clever. But for a clever guy I've done some seriously dumb things. Repeatedly. Its as though sometimes im incapable of making the choice that intelectually i know is right.

If you're close to me, you'll know that I'm an addict ( hate calling myself that because its role that i just don't wanna play anymore ) which basically means that i have a screw loose. we're all addicts to some degree, we all have the same loose screw, just some are looser than others and in others the screw has been replaced by a piece of string and some bubblegum.
 
Addiction is the result of the mind doing what it does best - forming habits. This ingenious innovation of streamlining neural pathways gives us the ability to learn, and to train ourselves to do anything we can imagine. But when we let our habits choose us instead of the other way around, a few bad ones are gonna get through. Bad habits (especially when they involve some kinda of mind/mood altering substance) have the tendency and potential to become serious compulsions that imprison there victim as surely as any cage.

Its been a long time since Ive used hard drugs but i cant seem to shake this daily weed habit, and the basic underlying compulsion to escape* is alive and as strong as ever. I quit weed every day. Until the next day when, as if under a spell, i will find myself behind the wheel of my car on the way to Fergy.

I feel like Ive been living the same struggle for so long now! Its maddening how i cant seem to just break free and stop doing what i don't want to do anymore and start doing what i do want to do. The more i think about it the more it freaks me out. Its like my will has been stamped out and something else is in control. Not only am i not living my best life, I'm hardly really alive at all. It terrifies me.

This fear of losing myself coupled with my great belief in the potential for human kind to grab hold of and harness our divinity is largely my motivation for writing this blog. It also fulfills the role of a journal, which is something I've wanted to do for the longest time, and will also be a great aid in tidying up my rubble strewn mind.

Basically this is gonna be a record of my successes and setbacks while attempting to do the things i want to be doing like meditating and getting my brain back in shape; and not doing the other things like smoking the herb, etc. It will also serve as a space where i can share my feelings and experiences along the way. Hopefully in the end it will be a chronicle of my journey from this barren place of scattered thoughts and constant anxiety to a brighter existence resonating with peace, where my spirit is free and my mind - clear and focused - is the tool and not the master.
Good luck me :)